Death by fire

All of the work things are really starting to wear on me. I feel like there are so many different things going on here, all of which are stressful in some ways to me.

Every once in a while we see a moment of clarity, a moment where I am starting to feel like there is a real chance for me to continue to build my career here. But then there are other times... There are those times where I get myself so worked up about all of the changes, I live with a level of anxiety relating to that which feels unparalleled.

And I cannot shake it sometimes.

Despite working hard to try and make myself have a positive attitude, there is definitely a struggle there sometimes. There are days when I think "things are ok. I can still be happy here and make this work for me long term." But unfortunately, more often, I just feel overwhelmed with the total lack of direction that I am feeling.

Maybe it is time to really hammer home a new ... something. Maybe I need to come up with some project to really tackle and focus on it every single day. Put in all of the work, put in all of my energy, and really drive into the fire. I am slowly starting to feel like I would rather die in a fire than just a fade to black. And those might be my two options here.


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