Emily, the Writer

If you are reading this, chances are pretty good that you either blog, have toyed with the idea of blogging, or you write in a journal (paper).  I mean, isn't that how we all got into this? 

I have been journaling since I received a blank book as a birthday gift at the age of 8.  It had a cat on the cover (not a cat person).
(not mine, but it gives you an idea!)

I remember writing about a crush that I had on a boy named Jeff.  He was popular and I was a big nerd. :-)  It doesn't bother me to say that now, as I am no longer 8 years old, and I am now definitely in a far better place than I was. 

I was fairly consistent with my notebooks all the way through grade school.  High school was when my life is unrecorded. 

In college, my first college boyfriend Derek bought me a new one as a gift, and I have been EXTREMELY consistent since then.  Sometimes in paper form, sometimes online.  But everything since 2001 is recorded somewhere so I can look back and see where I fell apart.

I have been a food logger for a pretty long time, and being one with disordered eating, I shiver to look at food logs from the time between 2001-2005 and sporadically after that when I would drop 20 lbs without "thinking" about it (although if you go back and read passages from that time, it seems pretty clear).  It is interesting to think about and look back on.  I was kind of always writing about the same things for ALL of my adult life, but in the complete opposite way.

I was starving, dropping weight, and exercising to drop more weight.  Now I am focused on getting FAST and STRONG and properly feeding myself to do that.  It is tough and I am still struggling every single day to find that balance, but I am getting there, and I am proud of myself for how far I have come and how much I have done to be a different person.

Strange, I wear the same size now as I did at 105 lbs (very underweight and kind of gross looking on my 5'6", fairly athletic build).  I weigh between 125 & 130 lbs now.  I guess that is the kind of thing that you have to remember.

How have you changed in the years that you have been writing?
Have you ever battled with disordered eating or poor self-image like me?


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