On Hobbies

So it is no secret to anyone who reads this that my hobby is definitely fitness.  I love to lift, my love of running has grown exponentially in the last 18 weeks of marathon training (oh yeah, I probably need to do a recap of week 18, right?), and I love all things health/fitness.  Now food, obviously that could use some work, but I would say that fitness is my hobby.

Now J's hobbies are a little different than mine.  J openly admits that he enjoys what he calls "drinking athletics".  These include golf, beer league softball, cornhole, and beer pong.  He always includes beer pong in that list.

I have no problem with his hobbies.  Do I wish he would love exercise like I do?  Absolutely.  I don't think he minds that I don't enjoy golf though.  It gives him J time. 

Here is my trouble currently.  Running and working out for me, are considered to be a "selfish" hobby.  At least, to my husband.  I agree.  Marathon training especially can be selfish.  I would be lying if I said I didn't see that a little bit.  However, my fitness is very important because it was what keeps me "level".

Until I got to the point where I was very consistent with my workouts (whatever they were at that time, lifting, running, spinning), I was on my medication for Bipolar Disorder.  I was on a pretty heavy duty med as well (an atypical antipsychotic, doesn't that sound scary?).  As my working out got more consistent, my brain did as well.  I started to feel better more often.  Eventually I stabilized on that med, and slowly my doctor and therapist worked on weening me off the med (yes, my doctor did this, I did not make this decision on my own.  I was scared to come off of it!) and eventually weening me off therapy as well! 

I credit my fitness with this.  I mean, I am not a doctor, but I believe that exercise does a lot to help keep me "level".

My goal relating to this is to get opinions.  Do you thinking running and working out is any more selfish than playing golf or softball?  Granted, those things are not solo activities the way running is, but they are not done with me, they are J activities.  And running/lifting is a ME activity.  I can't think of a hobby that I might have that would not be "selfish".  Does anyone else out there face it?  Anyone have any ideas of how to discuss this with J?  It is very important to me that he understand this because I am going to need my time still even when we have children.  It might not be everyday anymore, but I think it is going to be very important.


  1. Congratulations for the progress you've made with your mental health. Your story is very inspiring, especially since I have a close friend battling with bi-polar who is very dependent on medicine and doesn't seem to have the right support from her doctor. I have tried very hard to get her to join me in running, so far unsuccesfully.

    I am familiar with the selfish issue. Fortunately my husband has started running as well. Still, marathon training was difficult when it meant running instead of spending time with him. I think as long as you support one another's goals and interests and you are still able to have fun together, there are no hard feelings and you shouldn't be hard on yourself about it. :)

  2. Will also second the congrats on your progress!

    Honestly, I don't think there is a difference between taking time to do a solo sport or group sport. A person participates because they enjoy it for themselves and it gives them some kind of positive feeling in return. I don't consider your running any more selfish than his golfing at all. I also think it's completely okay to have uncommon activities in a relationship as long as both people respect and support the other person and acknowledges it's something that makes them happy. If he is upset about not having as much time with you, you both need to sit down and come up with a plan to fit in time. Communication is so key, I know from experience because my recent breakup was largely due to us having the worst communication skills when it came time to discussing hard topics. I hope you guys work this out and can get on some common ground. Anything that makes you feel better is so worth it. <3

  3. I can relate to you and it's a really difficult thing to be told it is "selfish." I have heard it before in various forms from my significant other. Except for with us, he is a homebody, doesn't do things with friends much and would rather just spend time with me so when I'm doing my thing...he really does notice. Since running for you is kind of a newer thing, I think you need time. Things have improved over time with us...I just an unwilling to give up what is important to me and I think he finally "got" that. I also make a point to be sensitive to our time together. For example, I never run/workout after work because that absically takes the whole evening after shower, etc. I do it in the morning when it doens't interrupt our time together. It's not easy...especially since my sister, for example, has a husband that runs marathons and trains WITH her. Anyway, I hope your husband can accept this for what it is and appreciate that it is your thing and improves your life which, in turn, improves his.

    --Ericka @ The Sweet Life (sweetlifeericka.com)

    1. I do things that same way! I get up early in the morning to get my workouts in at 5 am, so then I can even come home after them and get ready at home, taking care of the dogs before work, etc. That way I am home after work to get dinner made and to just hang out with him. I wish he would be involved in the same things as me like your sister and her husband, and every now and then I can get him involved, for instance in your tap-n-run type events, or even mud runs, so I guess I have a little bit of good stuff!


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