Its been quite some time since I last wrote.  I am in the middle of my search for balance and my HUGE desire to have a new set of goals to reach for.  I am really feeling lost because I am not specifically working toward anything. 

Yesterday, a friend says, “What about the CPA exam?  That should be your biggest goal!”  And I agree, it should be.  However, it is definitely not.  In reality, I am not interested in passing the exam.  I am doing it because it is important to my career as long as I continue to do accounting work.  However, continuing to do accounting work, is not on my list of long-term goals!  I mean…  I am at a loss with that, to be honest…

Recently I have come up with “bucket list” type goals, but since I am lacking short term goals, I am making these HUGE things short term.  I want to go skydiving someday.  So I make a post on facebook saying “who wants to go on October 29?”  I was thinking, ok, I am going to run the glass city half marathon this spring.  Sounds do-able since I was at 9 miles comfortably before my injury took over.  But someday I want to run a full marathon.  So let’s do it this spring, let’s make it the Flying Pig, and why not use Glass City as a training run.  You were scheduled for 12 that weekend anyway! 

So yeah, I am going a little bucket list nuts.  I really need to figure out what my goals are and what I truly want to do.  As right now, I am going full tilt toward… nothing.  That is confusing to me.  So in another “I need a goal” move, I reached out to a local trainer/coach.  Who knows…  I am just lost currently, me thinks, so I need to figure out what it is that is next.  What it is that is next month.  My old “big” goals aren’t doing it anymore.  I’ve stuck solidly with my one race per month goal.  I even did one (granted, I walked) in October and I have had a boot on for the entire month!

I was planning on sitting down last night and going through everything…  You know, what do I want to do before the end of the year?  How about the end of 2012?  Before we have a kid?  After that?  Can I make it work financially?  Will my husband be supportive of me?  All of those things are weighing heavily on my mind and I don’t feel like I am in any position to make long term decisions without knowing all of it.

But sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and wing it, right? 

So I am thinking on it.  Still.  I do know that if I decide to compete, it will be figure instead of bikini.  That is much more what I want the focus to be on for me.  Muscles, not a sexy body, you know?  I don’t know that I will be competing, ever, but I need to keep it in the back of my mind, bucket list and stuff!

Does anyone else out there feel lost if they are not working toward something specific?  Because right now, I am SUPER lost.


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