The entry to figure it out…

Well, to make a long story short, I have a stress fracture in my foot and I have been confined to a boot.  I kind of knew it was coming, as it had been hurting me for more than 6 weeks, and I was just trying to get through the wedding and then a few races before I went to the doctor.  I pretty much had no interest in the doc telling me that I could not run in the Hudephol 14K Brewery Run, which was the race I had been looking forward to for months, and was my longest race to date (14K or 8.68 miles).  I really wanted to run, so I avoided the doctor for 2 weeks before my wedding as well as a month afterward.  And I am reward with this lovely fashion accessory.

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Lovely, right?  At least it is one of those ones with the rubber bottom so I can walk on it.  My doctor gave me permission to continue to work out if I wanted to “keep my physique” (he said it, not me!) but I had to do non-impact exercises.  The elliptical is ok, bike is fine, weights in general are ok, but probably things like leg press, lunges, and squats are out.  Lame. 

But it could be worse, I know that.  So I am just going to look on the bright side of all of this, and try and make the most out of things while this thing is attached to me.  And until I have my new running shoe inserts, which I have to get in order to prevent this from happening to me again!

Well, I am in it for 6 weeks.  The Monster Mash (competition that I was planning on entering) is in less than 5.  I will still be in a boot rather than clear plastic heels.  Darn it.  That’s out for me then.  Its kind of weird to think that something that I have been working toward since April is no longer an option for me.  I mean, its not like it is out forever, but it is out for now, and there isn’t a whole lot of time for competing in December, so it might be out until spring.  And I was planning on using spring for running.  And summer for a triathlon?  Hmmm…

So now I am thinking about new stuff, new goals and what is next for this goal oriented gal. 

On Sunday night I weighed in.  I saw the highest weight I have EVER seen on a scale when I was standing on it.  EVER.  I gotta be honest, definite meltdown.  I tried hard not to react too much, but it still sucked.  It was at that point that I realized that I would never be ready to compete anyway, and actually talked to my friend Leah about getting on board as my new coach.  I have been feeling frustrated and left behind from the girls that were working with my coach locally (for him) and that I was not necessarily at the top of his priority list.  That + the high scale number meant I needed to explore other options. 

So Leah is completely on board to help.  Her first thoughts were to relax a little.  I am very intense these days when it comes to my diet and my workouts.  Everything has been extremely structured around the competition and what I needed to happen and wanted to happen.  And the obsession surrounding it has almost made things worse.  Meaning.  I know I am not allowed to have ice cream.  But then I want ice cream, so then I eat an obscene amount of ice cream because I cannot stop thinking about it.

So Monday, Tuesday, and today, I have been mindful in my eating, but I have not really thought too much about it.  Okay, as usual, Type A Emily – that’s a lie.  Last night made me feel like a train wreck.  In fact, I text Leah in the car on my way home even though it was 11 pm to tell her what a failure I was.  I had my dinner nice and thought through.  Something that sounded good to me, but that was not going to overturn my world and make me feel like I ended up feeling.  I had plans for a side salad and a cup of chili.  Apparently the chili was supposed to be pretty hearty, so sounded like a meal to me.  You know – a pick 2 kind of thing at a deli for lunch. 

J disagreed.  Told me that clearly my plan was not a meal.  And somehow, I managed to be bullied (??) into eating what he wanted instead of what I planned.  Ok, now I know that I was not bullied, and I know that he probably didn’t even need to do much to convince me that it was a good idea to share two big appetizers.  It is, after all, what we usually do when we go out to eat at that place.  But I am definitely upset with myself for letting him tell me that I was wrong.  I should have just been adamant about what I wanted.  So we end up splitting the soft pretzels and an order of chicken nachos.  I do not have any beer (small victories?) but when he decides we’re having dessert, I cave.  And I pretty much split the cinnamon donut holes with caramel dipping sauce with him.  And the guilt set in almost immediately. 

We went to see a show after that.  We have season tickets to the Broadway Series here.  Beauty and the Beast was the first show of this season.  (The season for the Broadway series works like a school year.  Starts in September) Technically our tickets were for next Tuesday night, but Tom (my boss) had his season tickets for the first week of the show, so we switched this time since he was unable to attend last night.   Our seats are pretty comparable so that was not a big deal.  The family that is going to be sitting next to him for the rest of the season is pretty nice as well, I chatted with them a moment to let them know that we were NOT going to be the ones sitting next to them for the rest of the year. 

The point of this was to set new goals, and to be honest, I am more torn up and confused than ever!  If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

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