Frustration with ME

I have not been doing so well lately. I have been lifting hard and heavy, but yesterday's cardio was definitely not up to snuff. I suppose that maybe was to be expected with the race on Saturday. But I am still disappointed in myself.

More than that, my diet has been WAY off. I am extremely disappointed. I placed an order with an online bakery that specialized in high protein goodies, and have been eating them where I am not supposed to be. It is fine for me to have a treat like that, when I plan my daily food. But when I am getting home at 9 pm and have not gone to bed yet, it is NOT ok to open up a package of cookies and eat two + several squares of dark chocolate.

WTH?

I am feeling MORE than frustrated right now, because I was doing so well, and because I really felt like I had the right mindset to really hammer out my diet for the last three weeks before the wedding. I am EXTRA flustered, because I had BIG plans to do a cut for the last ten days. And if I cannot hammer things out when I am allowed to eat carbs (other than veggies) how am I going to do it when everything is even more strict?

Honestly, I am feeling quite nervous about the whole thing right now. Uncomfortable with my ability to be successful. I mean, this is "easier" theoretically than it will be next week. Or at least, it is supposed to be, and even now I am struggling.

I know that the biggest thing is going to be taking this all one day at a time. One day at a time until the end of October. (By the way, I have decided to compete at the end of October instead of the beginning of November since it is local!) So I am really going to have to work SUPER hard to get there. I can do this. And I WILL do this.

Today was a start over day. With what I have planned I am 5 grams short of fat goals (I am ok with this since I was over the last two), even on carbs, and a little over on protein. Going a little over on protein is ok though. That's what keeps me getting strong! :-)

So NO EXTRAS tonight.

Deep breath...

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