So I have been struggling. Struggling with staying on track, struggling with accountability and motivation. I have been feeling good overall, with wanting to compete, I mean, but sometimes I question it all. I want to know why I am doing this to myself when it would be so much easier to just relax and have a nice time.

However, it really is important to me. I really want to be able to compete. I really want to feel comfortable with myself and know how to eat clean 100% of the time. I ate a nice healthy breakfast today. I had a lot of carbs for breakfast but I am pretty much done with them for the day, so I should fall in my range. It was a very filling breakfast, so that made me happy too. I made egg sandwiches with turkey bacon for both J and I. My sandwich was 2 egg whites, while his was one whole egg, but still. It was pretty yummy.

I just need to focus. I need to sit myself down and ask myself the question, "Is this going to help you reach your goals?" If its not, why would I do it? Right? Now how do I convince myself of these things? How to I convince myself when J and I are out to dinner that I would rather have plain grilled chicken and a side salad?

I know that I need to focus on this. I know that I really need to kick things up now that I am getting closer to the date. I got all of the competition information this week, which makes everything real.

But at the same time, I need to focus on J and our relationship and wedding. We are getting so close now to the day. I know that I have to show him that it is my priority, not the competition, at least not right now, but really, it is all I can think about. I spend all of my time planning my diet and my workouts, thinking about what weights I am going to lift, etc, as well as what I am going to eat for my next meal. How am I going to lose weight/fat. Whatever. It is just what I am thinking about these days....


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