After the little meltdown I had last night, I took a deep breath and went to bed. I really needed to just "be" for a little while. I just was not feeling good about myself or what my goals are or should be. I was also struggling with the test studying so much that I just couldn't focus on anything.

One thing to be said for this breakdown. I did not cry. I sat there and typed and felt like an absolutely loon with my brain running a million miles a minute, but I did not cry.

So, yes, I am a gal with diagnosed bipolar disorder who does well these days with eating well and exercise to monitor myself and minimal medicine. I do take a pill for it daily, but this is a million times better than the handful that I was taking when I was first diagnosed! Now my handful is various vitamins, etc. Steps in the right direction, right?

I ran this morning and lifted heavy at lunch time. I feel pretty good. It is my last run before the race on Monday. I did 4.85 miles. I thought seriously about pushing and going 6, but then I got nervous that I would be too worn to get through my leg day tomorrow and still feel it on Monday morning! I am really getting excited for the race though, and even if Joe (my friend who was planning on running it too) doesn't do it (I seem to be having trouble getting in touch with him over the last two days!) I am excited to do it. It's not like we would be running it together anyway. I mean, he has actually done a 10K before!

I have come to the realization after a conversation yesterday over lunch with Tom that I have some things to figure out. He asked when the competition was. I told him November. He responded with "you'll hopefully be done with the exam at Thanksgiving and you'll be married in less than two months." I smile and look at him as I am not yet knowing where this is going. He says "then what?" And I gotta be honest, that might have started that strange spiral of out of control last night. I am not sure... But he's right. Then what?


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