I am apparently going on a date on Friday night. Jason I guess is taking me out. I think that means that I am supposed to wear a dress. I have only been on a few real dates in my time, and that includes that steak dinner with Rob back in April. That was so nice, it made me uncomfortable. Additionally, the making out in the upper level of the restaurant next to a giant crystal chandelier made me very uncomfortable. He was trying so hard to be my boyfriend, and I was obviously still in love with Jason. But I tried, I guess that was all that I could do at the time.

I sometimes wonder if all of the things that I did during that period in time were helpful or hurtful in my "moving on" (which obviously never happened!). I mean, I had fun with Dan. We drank too much and all of that, but we always used protection, we had fun, and he provided me with an easy, light and casual distraction from real life and how badly I was hurting. Work was doing the same thing for me at the time. I was very very busy, and I did not let myself have very much alone time at all. It was the best thing for me at the time. I ran around and had a really good time at least.

I have zero regrets about Dan, except for the fact that I never told him what was going on with Jason, and I just stopped returning his calls. That might have been stupid. After all, it made me lose my chance to go for a ride on the bike. I do feel bad about that. Maybe one of these days I will give him a call and see if he wants to meet for a drink. At least with me and maybe some of the Wholesale girls and Lisa.

Sometimes I wonder if J has any clue how badly I was feeling at that time. A lot of the time, I think no, as he seems to easily brush me off with out so much as a second thought. I mean, not now, of course, but while everything was going down with Jen, things were a lot different. It was like he couldn't figure it out. I really cannot wrap my head around what his problem was for so long there. Carol once asked him out and out what the hell the deal was. I am not sure how I should react to his response. Carol says it is a good thing, and I will have to take her word for it.

Enough about that time in my life, it was too hard, it was too terrible.

I need to save my legs. They are bugging me...

No time for that today though! Tonight consists of the gym, rehearsal and going home to pay some bills. Good times with the bill-paying... Ew.

Maybe I will get a little chance tonight after rehearsal. I hope so, because I am exhausted of feeling hairy. It makes me feel unattractive, but I guess it kind of does make me unattractive.

So I was thinking about getting a Brazilian before Jason and I go to Vegas. I have no idea where I can get one of those, but I always have thought about it, and being in the sun in my bikini is the right time to have one! So I leave here on the 6th of November. So maybe around the 3rd or the 4th I should get it done. I am going to have to look into different places around here to get it done. I should ask Jess, I know at one point she wanted to do that herself, so maybe she has some insight into places to go and people to see.

I got flowers in the office today. Jason. He is a sweetie. I do love him. I haven't gotten flowers from him in almost a year. I guess I am getting back to the point that I wanted with him. Back to where we would have been headed a year ago if circumstances hadn't screwed everything up. Maybe we'll finally get there. Maybe things will finally come together the way that we wanted them to so long ago. Its amazing to see that after a year, things are finally getting there. Finally.

At least I hope this is the case.


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