Well, I have no idea what comes next. He is going to put his name in the ring for this job. He confirmed that when we were at lunch yesterday. I - because I am emotional nutcase when it comes to him - excused myself from the table so I could cry in the bathroom a little and then clean up my face before returning. I felt like garbage about it. I can't believe he is even considering moving when things with us are going well.

Everytime I leave him, I casually say, "no moving." He always responds with "blah blah." I have no idea what that means. I don't know if we'll try to make it work while he is gone. I don't know that he will set himself some kind of time limit for being there.

Honestly, I don't know that he'll be happy there, despite the fact that is is a MAJOR opportunity for him as far as his career goes. There is not much going on there, and all of his friends, they are here. I am here. What does that mean to him? I mean, yes, he has friends in Toledo too, people he talks to regularly and sees as often as he can. But I don't want our relationship to come down to facebook. And I really don't want us to break up because he is moving. I don't think that I can handle that.

Could this be the end of us for real??

I am sitting here, I know it might be wrong, but I am praying all the time that for whatever reason, this does not work out, or that if it does, he wants me to come too. Granted, I have no idea what I would do there other than work at his company (probably not too possible) or bartend somewhere, but that sure as shit would be a waste of a Masters degree.

I am praying for me... I hope that God listens...


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