Well, I am effed. I didn't get the role. I can't even remember if I said that before or not, but it's a true story. And of course that frustrates me to absolutely no end. It makes me want to cry, a lot. I really needed something, something to help me calm down, to give me something to do and get through this time right now where I don't know what is going on.

Yeah, Jason and I are still effed up. He still doesn't know what he wants, I am still very vocal about how I am feeling about everything.

This is always a problem. I hate that shit. I don't want to react the way that I have been, not at all. I hate the way that I act. I never want to upset him, and yet I always do. Every single god damn time. I always overreact, I always upset him.

I just need one thing to go right in my life. Just one time. Fuck.

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