Well, here I am on a Saturday night doing nothing. I am writing an entry in this stupid blog that I am supposed to be using when my brain is broken, when I need to just run my mouth and blow off steam and try not to freak out to Jason.

I don't know why I am such a mess of panic. I don't know why whenever I am not near him (even though we had one of the most amazing nights of our lives last night), I freak out. I just feel the desire to be close to him all the time. I know that is not possible though, and I hate it.

I am not sure what is wrong with me that I feel like I need to do this and act this way, but I am trying not to be like this, and maybe if writing it down rather than vocalizing it will begin to help me cope with my shortcomings (such as my tendency to panic), then I want to try and do it, try and take care of it.

I hate it when ... when I feel like there is something to the idea of a "summer romance". Granted, most of this comes from the fact that I am watching the Notebook as I read this. It can't be. We can't have that. It can't end when September comes... He can't go, he can't leave.

I effing love the man. Its gosh damn stupid. But I can never ever get him out of my head. Ever.



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