So like I said yesterday, that lasted all of two weeks. He was back to texting me with some regularity, and I was back to missing him every single day of my life.

I managed to make it through tax day. I hooked up with Dan, as expected, at the April 15 party, went up to his house on the hill, but not after I called Jason, trying to get him to come out with me. It makes me laugh a little now, thinking about it, and remembering how completely wasted I was, calling him, trying to get him to come out with me. Man that was one of those nights where I was extremely lucky. But if he had come out with me, all would have been different.

The following week, I had tickets to see Avenue Q. A musical that I had been listening to the music from for quite some time, and that I had introduced to Jason. It was something that made him laugh, that he loved to listen to during our time together. He knew I had tickets, and he was pressing me to take him with me to see it. I was resisting this, knowing how I felt about him, knowing that I really wanted to see him, wanted us to spend time together, wanted to be with him the whole time that we have been broken up.

After the 4/15 party, something about Dan and what we were doing smacked me in the face. I freaked out. He had a girlfriend, and here I was sleeping with him. I was supposed to go hang out with him on Saturday of that week, but I was going to be going home alone, most likely his girlfriend was going to be there! I had known this all along, of course, but something about that weekend finally caused it to hit home. My head pretty much exploded as a result.

I remember being in near hysterics, texting Jason suggesting that we run away because I needed to get the hell out. He obviously couldn't just leave work (I had a holiday because of tax day), and so I left on my own and told him yes, he could go to the show with me. I went to Toledo, where I tried to spend a weekend away from all of those feelings, away from the confusion that I allowed myself to feel about everything. And so I did. For one weekend, I hid at my mom's trying to steer clear of the drama that had come up around me. I didn't necessary do a very good job, as I remember not feeling rested at all when I cam back, but I did what I had to do at the time.

So here we are, 2 and a half months removed from that trip to see Avenue Q. We're seeing each other several times per week. I am happy, he is happy.


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