New trouble. God damn it.

Trying not to talk. Trying not to say EXACTLY what I am feeling. Trying not to tell him that I would hate it. Absolutely HATE it.

We're to the point where I think we'll be together. At least together in the way that we are now.

And then he spills it.

He has a lot to think about. He does not mean me, at least not necessarily me all the way, but I might fit in a little. So... it is work this time.

His boss suggested that he put in for the job of controller out a Lafayette life. Thats the company that he goes out to visit once a month or something. Well, that is like 4 hours from here. And I am NOT a fan of that. I don't want him to go anywhere. I want him right here, with me, where he belongs.

I am hoping that this will turn out to be a positive sign for us, rather than a negative. I want him, he stays, we live happily ever after. Is that asking for too much?

I don't know, but more likely this is a negative thing. One of those you should end it now before things get too rough, moments. God, I am so fucking sick of bad luck! We seem to constantly run into it as a couple. Constantly! When does it get easier? When do we get to be happy?

It makes me think of "Last Five Years"...

Don't we get to be happy, Cathy?
At some point down the line
Don't we get to relax?
Without some new tsuris
To push me yet further from you?
If I'm cheering on your side, Cathy
Why can't you support mine?
Why do I have to feel
I've committed some felony
Doing what I always swore I would do?
I don't want you to hurt
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine!
Just hang on and you'll see-
But don't make me wait till you do
To be happy with you
Will you listen to me?
No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin
I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Cathy
I will not lose because you can't win

Granted, his name (nor my name) is Cathy... But sometimes I feel like we're there. There are other parts, happier parts of that show, that make me think of us too...

But right now, I want us to be happy. I love him.


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