I love him. I miss him. I don't sleep too well without him. I wish I was in his arms.

Pathetic. Yeah, I know. It sucks ass.

I hate being pathetic. Tonight I talked to him about Mafia Wars, this nerdy game we both play on facebook, And I told him goodnight. Thats it. I feel like that is a little bit of an accomplishment.

Tomorrow we will see how the day goes. See if I can resist all of the million questions about us, about where we stand, wondering if he wants me, needs me, loves me. Truth be told, I know he does. Even though it is really hard for me to admit, I know he does love me.

I know that I need to lay off with all of the relationship "where is this going? when are we going to get there" crap. I know that I just need to be happy and enjoy myself and enjoy the time that we get together. I know that we are going to Toledo. Well, at least I hope that we are, since I have no idea what to expect. Especially right now, since I do not know if he is upset with me or not.

I guess I need to take advantage of the fact that I have a blog that I can write in a million times per day when I am feeling stressed. Maybe if I sit here and write some entry, maybe then I will be able and better than talking to him. Maybe I will be able to avoid messaging him every second of every day and feel like I can get through this. Feel like I will be okay without hearing from him all the time. Maybe eventually I will even be able to WAIT for him to contact me, which will allow him to pursue the chase, pursue me.

That'd be sweet. God I miss him though... And its only been since Saturday afternoon. Its not even Tuesday yet. And even earlier today, he seemed to be interested in the idea that I was interested in trying our failed experiment in St. Louis again. You know, the handcuff thing. I really want the red ones... It'll be hot. At least I think so...

We'll see where it goes. And I am trying. I am trying to be a strong, beautiful woman. The one I have dreamed of. Especially who I tried to be when he and I were not together. I am going to kick my ass into gear and focus on things that are important.

kicking ass at the gym
working my butt off at work
working on my 101 things
saving money/getting out of debt.

I can god damn do it. And he will love me for being independent.

I hope...


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