I have really hammered out the entries in here. I am 100% certain that it is because I feel like I need to get things written down so I remember how I feel.

Not only that, but it gives me an outlet, hopefully to get stuff out of my head so I do not express the things that I am feeling to Jason when I know he does not want to hear. I mean, I know he gets irritated with my panic. So I try not to burden him. That's going to be my new thing. Lots and lots of entries to avoid expressing this panic to him.

I know it would make him nuts. I know it DOES make him nuts. I am trying to do better. I am trying to find a healthy way to express my stress and panic. And truly, maybe, writing in a journal (online or otherwise) might help me to express how I am feeling. It will maybe be a good release.

And I know that I might be being repetitive, but at the same time, that is kind of what this whole thing is for, right? A way for me to write what is going through my mind as it is going there. I am trying really hard to try and do that.

I want to be able to say all of the crazy panicked things that I am thinking without people judging me, without people finding me and realizing what a nutjob I might be. I don't know if I am or not, but at the same time, this is a way to keep myself from being a nutjob, maybe? It keeps me from seeming crazy to other people. Right? Isn't that the idea with having an online journal? It is a way to express your idiosyncracies (I have no clue if that is spelled right or not, but it is what is in my head) without anyone else judging you.

Maybe on a positive note... My work friend Megan and I are going to take an acting class tomorrow night. I am really looking forward to it. Depsite the fact that I have been doing shows for YEARS, I have never actually taken a class. I am kind of looking forward to it. I am going to ride the bus downtown, and see how the work day goes. Then Megan and I are going to go up to the Happy Hour that we are holding for us and Strauss and Troy (the law firm that is located in our building). Megan and I are on the steering committee for the group that plans that kind of thing. We felt like we needed to be there for a little bit. Then we'll head to the class. It'll be great. Well I hope it will be. I am kind of nervous about it because I have not ever done it before. So I guess I will try and see. It cannot hurt since I haven't done it before and I have an audition on Monday.

I hope its good. I hope I am good.


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