I failed.


I sent Jason a message already this morning. Fail. I just said "good morning and drive safe!" since he is on his way to Lafayette today. No response yet, even though I know now that he has seen the message. Naturally, because I am me, I am paranoid that we are not speaking to each other for some reason. Is that ridiculous?


There is an extremely good chance that I am being silly, paranoid, whatever. He IS still going to Lafayette, so its not like he didn't/wouldn't want to tell me that, which makes me feel a little better about things. And he IS driving right now, so in some ways, I feel like I at least need to give him a little bit of a break.


I suck at giving him a break though. I constantly want to hound him so that I always know exactly what is going on. I feel the need to ask him if we are fighting or something since he has not responded to me yet. I wish there was something that I could do that would help me resist that urge.


I talked to Jess about it for a little while yesterday after I got home from work. I asked her how she managed to not be paranoid before she moved down there to be with Mike. I mean, I have a hard enough time with Jason in the same damn city! So how on earth could she manage when they lived in two extremely different parts of the country? I don't know that I could do it.


Maybe Jason is right. Maybe I am high maintenance. He is, but not in the same way. With him, it is the need for massages, back scratches, someone to rub his calves, and in a lot of ways, someone to indulge him! I certainly am more than willing to be that girl for him. But I am slowly realizing that I am needy too. I want him to call me. I want him to always answer my questions. I want him to want me as much as I want him. I want to be THE top contender for love in his life, other than his mother, sister, and possibly nephew. Those folks I can completely understand.


Its like that Cheap Trick song. I want him to want me. I REALLY want him to want me. It seems like he does, when I am naked in the living room, he'll chase me down every time. He will definitely pursue me to the bathroom/shower/bedroom if I come into the living room nude, and get his attention before I walk away.


Honestly, it is 11 am. He still hasn't even said good morning. I am really starting to freak out. I hate this.

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