I am so easily stressed out. If Jason doesn't get in touch with me for just 10 minutes or something and I know he has seen my message, it completely begins to freak me out. I am slightly selfish about the whole thing, assuming it is always about me, but mostly only if it is something bad. I guess I just have not really had anything good.

I really want to be able to keep my chin up, but for some reason, that is so not working out for me. I am just feeling edgey almost constantly about this relationship between the two of us. I mean, I love him, and in a lot of ways I do not doubt that he loves me too. Because if he didn't have really deep-rooted feelings for me, then why all the drama? Why the fuss about me having coffee with JD? Why all of the possessiveness when it comes to sex? I mean, he is forceful and overly controlling in bed, which while I really enjoy it, I am not sure that is entirely his style.

I don't know. How much effort does it really take to say "yes, I am excited." I mean, that is really all I have been asking for for like the past two days! The situation really wants me to give up on a lot of things. I mean, it is so not a big deal, or at least, it shouldn't be, and yet I feel like he is just not even caring. I mean, grr...

I am just feeling mad at him, as though he is being careless with my feelings or something. I mean, does he not care? Does he no longer love me or find me attractive or something? I don't get him, but then again, have I ever?

I am going to give him until 2 pm to respond to me. I feel like that is plenty of time to muster up some excitement. If not, then I am going to ...grrr...

And there he is. Excited, apparently. :)

I just really need to remain calm. Sometimes I think I should leave my cell phone in my car, so I didn't feel like I constantly want to hear from him. Of course, I do not constantly hear from him, and sometimes that bugs me. If I had the phone away from me, then I might not feel the need to check it a million times per day!


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