I am maybe, just maybe, beginning to get there. Beginning to relax, beginning to take things in stride, at least a little bit better than I was doing yesterday. Ok, not really, but I may be getting a little better at holding it in today than I was yesterday. After all, Jason said good morning to me at like 7 am. I didn't respond until 8:15, and there was no communication until 11:30.

Sounds like we're still planning on getting together on Friday night, at least as of right now. I assume he would not want to get together with me if he was done seeing me. And I also think that if he wasn't going to want to see me anymore, then he would have made me change my facebook last night. At least, I assume as much. Because my status said something about the "boy" which he knew referred to him. I pretty much told him that straight up that is was him.

Trouble is, I have absolutely no clue if he misses me, loves me, wants to be with me. I am afraid that when I get there on Friday, he is going to want to collect his money and then tell me that he does not want to see me anymore. Truthfully, that would break my heart. Again.

I popped a blister on my toe. I should wear stockings. It gooped a bit. (Is that how you spell that? Gooped?) Ouch.

I have to be able to relax. I have to take a deep breath and accept the fact that he has always been honest with me, he has been upfront with me. He might dance around a little bit, but as far as I can tell, he would at least say "nah, let's not hang out." or maybe "let's wait and see how things go." And he said that we'll get together later. So to me, that sounds like we are still hanging out.

I am just scared. I have been whining to this stupid diary every day for the last 5 or 6 or something. Since Saturday. Since he decided not to go out with me and to go out with Brian instead. That shouldn't bother me. But instead it makes me nervous and makes me sit on my ass on a weekend night instead of going out with another friend and having a good time. I stink.

Yeah, I am feeling down. Isn't that obvious?

Oh, and my eating sucks because I have no food in my house. I have been subsisting on wine, basically. Bad Em. If Jason knew, he would kill me. Not really kill me, but you know...


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