Wow, a lot has happened since I last updated this blog. I might have to come back to it more seriously now though, as I feel that I really can be more open and honest here than anywhere else (other than a personal, handwritten journal that no one ever sees.)

So, Chris and I broke up. It was one of the more disasterous things to ever happen to me. I very nearly lost my mind completely. I did for a few days there, I think.

I allowed myself to disappear completely. I saw no one, talked to no one, didn't eat, slept a lot. I was a disaster. I cried all the time. My weight hovered around 100 lbs. I was an absolute train wreck, who had no idea what to do or how to survive without her partner.

Of course, this "partner" of mine had only been in my life for around 9 months. I have a hard time believing (now that it is over) that I could let someone into my life so completely and so permanently in such a short amount of time. I am angry with myself for allowing him in. I should know better than that.

Oh well, I suppose it is a little too late for major worries about things like that now. I did, he broke my heart, and I lost my mind.

After spending some time away from the world completely, I finally reintroduced myself to my social life. I began by bringing my girls back in. I started to see the theater folks again. Julie and Lara especially, as I really feel close to them, pretty much all the time. They are my family. They especially became even more of my family then, when I just lost the people that I thought of as my Cincinnati family (Chris and his mom). So it was great to have them in my life during one of the most trying things that I have ever had to face!

I opened up to Katie a bit as well. Not as much, because for reasons that I am still unsure of, she just does not feel like family to me. I am beginning to feel like that is because she is not a friend that I made on my own. I met her and was rather forced to become friends with her because of my relationship with Jon. Not to say that I don't love her, I do, and I always have. It is just sometimes easier to have a strong friendship with a friend that you made on your own. And my theater friends I have done that with.

Anyway, eventually I felt the need to cut Chris out of my life completely. He decided he did not want to take a step backward and go back to where we used to be, and so we tried the friend thing. That didn't work out because apparently I was "trying too hard" to be the girl that I was when we first met. Silly me, I thought that was part of our problem! So the friendship thing ended at that point. I guess we gave it a try. But when that happened, although it led to some slight hysteria on my part, I finally was beginning to feel free of him for the first time since we broke up around a month before!

I signed up for some online dating stuff, I started meeting some new people, I got a new job, I got a lead in a show... I mean, my life has taken a new turn!

Comments

Popular Posts