I have been lying, I think. Lying to everyone. They think I am okay. They think I am back to regular, normal Em. And in some ways I am. I am over Chris. Finally. And that is a major major thing.

But the rest of me is still a little broken. Every time someone mentions how "healthy" I look, I hear fat in my head. I am completely unsatisfied there.

I have the desire to cause trouble for myself and everyone else involved. I want to go out there and make major mistakes because I know that in the short run, they will be enjoyable. I also know that in the long run, I would be making major mistakes.

I am feeling completely self-destructive.

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