I am feeling slightly better today than yesterday. A bit less self-destructive, which is always a good sign. I think the sex desire was overwhelming my ability to think clearly. I spoke with B last night, which helped to reinvigorate how much I am kind of starting to like him, and therefore cooled down my urge to destroy anything there.

I am proud of myself for that.

Granted, my self-destruction still exists in many other places. For instance, in my desire to starve. I definitely still want to do that. I am going to start being extremely careful about what things I let into my body because I am currently feeling so uncomfortable. I know that I am apparently back to healthy looking or whatever, but I am still feeling miserable. I am higher than I have been in a while, a long while, and it is freaking me out a little. I HATE it.

So my first goal is 115. I am not that far from it. The next after that is 110 and maintain. 110 is not too too thin for someone of my size, and I feel comfortable at that weight.

Gah. I just have to make this happen so I can feel comfortable with no clothes on.


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