Rough day

So it has been a pretty rough day for me today. It started out with a couple of blackouts on the bus on the way into work this morning. Of course, my head is stuck on them and I cannot seem to get over it.

I talked to Katie and she said that she had the same thing going on. And that the only thing that has helped her has been anti-anxiety medication. I am not sure if I can subject myself to that kind of treatment to be honest. It's a little bit of a touchy thing with me, to be honest, and I am not sure that I can risk it. I will talk to Chris about it tonight. Truthfully, that is the only thing that I can do, and so he will hopefully have some insight on the situation and maybe can provide some clarity for me. It is hard when you are on the inside of a situation like this. Sometimes, like today, you need a little clarity from the outside to help pull you out of a seemingly hopeless situtation.

I am planning to see one of my CSC friends tomorrow night. Dan. The guy I almost dated back a very very long time ago. I am meeting him at Slatt's tomorrow night for a drink and maybe some dinner as well. It has been a very long time since I last saw him, so I am curious to see what he has been up to. We have kept in touch fairly well, but haven't been out together in ages. We'll see how that goes.

Chris did not wear one of the new ties that I got him on Saturday night today. I told him that my feelings were deeply scarred as a result. Of course, that is not true, but I like to tease him and give him a hard time about things. Plus he was telling me how excited he was to wear one of the new ties today when I gave them to him on Saturday! That bum. Not wearing one of them today after all.

I talked to him briefly before bed last night, and then left him a voicemail before I fell asleep. And he text me back before he fell asleep, just saying good night and all that.

I really care about him an awful lot. Just thinking about him makes me feel all smiley and gives me butterflies in my stomach. Is that normal after you have been with someone for more than 6 months like we have? Should the butterflies still be coming? I mean, I feel lucky that they are, because it is an absolutely wonderful feeling to have, but is it normal? Or does it mean that we have something special, something that I have not experienced previously?

Either way, I am okay with it because it is something totally special.


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